News Hour

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KONK Radio News Hour

KONK Radio News Hour

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News Hour

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News Hour

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Getting Pissy

By: Kimberley Denny

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Have you ever gone to someone’s house and, upon entry to the restroom, found that they’ve peed all over their toilet seat? Me neither. So why in the hell do people piss all over toilet seats and bathroom floors in public restrooms? Really, why?

 

I’d think that by the age of four we’ve all memorized that little nursery rhyme, “If you sprinkle when you tinkle please be neat and wipe the seat.” That’s one of the golden rules. It’s not the golden shower rule.

 

This has always been a pet peeve of mine, but even more so now that I work in bars and see it more frequently in unisex bathrooms. For some reason there are men who do not feel the need to lift the seat before they relieve themselves. They don’t even feel the need to hit the bowl.

 

But I’m not reserving all the blame for men. In fact, I think women can be even nastier. There has been many a toilet seat in the ladies room that requires a wipe-down. I don’t get it. Just line it, ladies!

 

What makes you think the next person should have to clean up after your mess? That’s a very nauseating job, and I don’t have the thigh strength or balance required to hover, especially while wearing heels or after a few drinks. I tried once, lost my balance, and yeah, landed bare-skinned on some stranger’s sweet relief. Never again, I tell you. NEVER AGAIN. There’s not a hot shower long enough to make you feel clean after that.

 

Oh wait, there was that one other time I hovered and got distracted by someone in the stall next to me. Trying to keep my balance by holding on to the toilet paper dispenser, I noticed a girl on her hands and knees praying to the porcelain god. Wow, so glad that’s not me, that’s so nasty, these were the thoughts going through my mind. Until I realized that I had been so relieved not to be the one puking that I actually relieved myself on my own shorts. Not pretty.

 

So yeah, after that, NEVER AGAIN. That’s one resolution in life I’ve kept. I implore you to make it your resolution too.

 

And if I see you leave a public restroom without washing your hands, I’m going to point you out to my friends. Cause hey, that’s just the kinda bitch I am.

 

One other thing I don’t get: sex in bathrooms. With all the germs and smells and sticky floors…where’s the turn on? Especially for those inclined to check “Mile High Club” off their bucket list. Have you ever in your life been in a pleasant airplane bathroom? And now you want to get busy in there? There’s nothing hot about that. Oh right, but when you walk out everyone will know that you got laid. Bragging rights. Woohoo.

 

Fancy yourself a stud, but it really just makes you a dirty dude.

 

 

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Mark Wilson Interview (Grand Jury Decision Druckenmiller)

> Guy DeBoer: You were charged with building a case with information in regards to Lisa Druckenmiller who works for Monroe County and served as the Technical Services Director. She was accused of misappropriation of IPads and cell phones. Can you describe the investigation process of building the material that you actually present to a Grand Jury?
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> Mark Wilson: The first step is making the decision about who actually is going to conduct the investigation. Typically crimes that occur in the city are investigated by the Police Department and crimes that occur in the county are investigated by the Sheriff’s Office. Every now and again the Florida Department of Law Enforcement will come in and investigate something. In a couple cases such as the Acevado case it was something we both prosecuted and investigated. The same thing was true for Norma Jean Sawyer and that’s also the case with Ms. Druckenmiller. Those cases that we chose to investigate ourselves typically are those that are unusually complicated or are going to require a lot of examination of documents and so forth. We do that more so than the Sheriff Office’s or the City does. In this case when it came to light that perhaps Ms. Druckenmiller had misappropriated some of these IPhones and IPads that she was responsible for buying and distributing as the Senior Administrator of Technique Services, we decided that that was something that would be appropriate for us to investigate in house. In other words investigators that work for the State Attorney went out and spoke to the employees of the county who worked with MS Druckenmiller.
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> GD: How many investigators were assigned to this case in particular?
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> MW: Principally it was Chris Weber who is our Senior Investigator and he did most of the work. He was assisted in a small degree by one or two of our other investigators but basically he did it by himself.
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> GD: How comprehensive or detailed did this investigation go?
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> MW: I can tell you that we had 31 witnesses testify before the Grand Jury and that was not all of the witnesses that we spoke to. I suspect that we probably spoke to twice that many people. . Until you speak with people you don’t know how much or how little they know. Obviously some of those people turn out to be not terribly important and others turned out to be quite important.
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> GD: Now the case that you have presented to the Grand Jury what was the dollar amount in missing property?
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> MW: The allegation is that all of these electronic items are worth approximately $23,000.
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> GD: How is she actually being charged?
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> MW: The Grand Jury had some choices about what charges they were actually going to bring. One of those could have been Grand Theft. Any theft of an item whose value exceeds $300 is a Grand Theft. In this case the Grand Jury elected to file one count of organized scheme to defraud over $20,000 which is a Second Degree felony. It’s punishable by a maximum of 15 years in prison and an organized scheme to defraud is really just the elements of theft plus a systemic effort to accomplish the theft.
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> GD: Who does a Grand Jury actually comprise of?
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> MW: Grand Juries in Florida sit for a 6 month period so in other words we seat 2 Grand Juries per year. One is April and the second is in October. They sit for a six month period and they do two things. The first thing is that under Florida law the only way that a person can be charged with First Degree Murder is by the Grand Jury. Fortunately for us we do not have that many murders every year but when we do have a case of First Degree Murder that is a case that must be by law presented to the Grand Jury because only the Grand Jury can indicte for a capital offense and the only capital offense in the law is First Degree Murder.  Apart from determining whether someone should be accused of a crime, the Grand Jury can investigate how the county was doing in terms of keeping track of this property, what it might of done differently to prevent this from happening and what recommendations the Grand Jury might make in the future as to preventing this from happening.
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> GD: Is it just regular citizens who make up the Grand Jury?
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> MW: Yes, Grand Jurors summoned no different than trial jurors, it’s just that their role is different. Instead of just determining whether someone is or is not guilty beyond reasonable doubt, they have a lower threshold. In other words it’s their job to determine whether there is probable cause to determine whether someone committed a particular offense and if so, it’s their job to indict on that basis.
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> GD: What’s the next step in this case?
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> MW: Now that the Grand Jury has handed out the indictment, Ms. Druckenmiller will be set for an arraignment in front of the circuit court which I believe will be in front of Judge Miller. I am quite certain that after that her lawyers will file a plea of not guilty. It’s impossible for me to say when the matter might be resolved. It just depends on her lawyers and what they decide is in her best interest.
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> GD: Is there jail time for this?
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> MW: We will see. The answers to that question will very much is determined by how she and her lawyers decide to handle her case. From my standpoint and the State Attorney’s standpoint, any theft involving an amount of this sort is a case that is appropriate to call for some period of incarceration.
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